In case you didn't know, the Mount Olympus Stake - the building you used to walk through grandpa's back yard to get to - the one we have a time lapse video of being built - is having a 30 year celebration on April 26th, 2008.

Well, they invited all the family. Aunts, uncles, kuzins, etc. Somehow the only address they had was Krystal's and therefore Carol's. Carol sent an email telling everyone to plan for it. About the later part of March we get an email from Bill asking why he was not informed, didn't they want members of his family to attend? - I sent an email telling him to quit whining.

The individual letters came just a week ago, one to Bill, Dianne, Carol and me. The last paragraph stated that they would like to have a member of the family speak for 5-7 minutes telling about dad's accomplishments when he was stake president. Dianne said Bill should be the family representative. I said Carol should. I should have kept my mouth shut.
Emails between Bill and Carol and Dianne went totally misunderstood. Carol didn't want to be told she had to do it - as she is suffering from a giant laundry list of physical, emotional and psychological problems. Bill called Carol and said he didn't want to get up there and make a fool of himself, indicating Carol could make a fool of herself. Dianne suggested that they team -talk- together and Bill hated the idea. Neither one of them understood what the other was saying. Carol said she wanted to crawl through the phone and strangle Bill. Dianne was being bombarded with mistatements from both of them and feeling strangled. Carol said if Bill and Dianne and I and she couldn't get along she wished we would just stay home and she and her kids would be the representatives. At this point, I think I would like to stay home.

Personality theory suggests, according to several theorists, that until people reach their best self, they are still not grown up. In looking at Bill and Carol, I don't believe they have become their ultimate, grown up self. But, then I fall short of mine. It is a constant struggle to keep emotion from destroying the moment and hurting someone. However, it amazes me how petty they can be. Not excusing the other for miscommunicated or misunderstood statements. It makes being together with them a distasteful experience. I don't particularly want to attend the program on the 26th or the kuzins kampout - But maturity said I should remember that they are still in many ways small children striking out at each other, and I should be older than what they are.

In trying to fix my anger at stupid students, I found that too often I react in response to their anger, instead of being in control of the situation and being full of love, patient and soothing toward them. I also find that I have more difficulty when I am tired, ill, hungry or otherwise emotionally unhealthy. Wish I could be emotionally and physicall well all the time. None of us are.

If you understand that I am often tired, achy, and basically crabby and thus emotional, and that when I am this way I am trying very hard NOT to be like my mother or my siblings, then maybe you will forgive me for being reclusive. And, I will try to communicate more in a manner that is safe for me -- this one.

I am so grateful that those people who shared their first twenty plus years with me do not have the problems my brother and sisters do. It is a pleasure to share space occasionally with each of them.